Never before in my life have I ever thought so much about one single word. But as I've lived in South Asia for a little over four months I find myself not only thinking about this word all the time but i find myself waking up every morning begging my Lord for this one thing. Boldness.
I've never really seen myself as a fearful person, I've always tested my limits and my parents will tell you "I kill them" with how nonchalant I am about certain things I've done. When I was in 4th grade I wanted to be an astronaut more than anything so I saved up all year and that summer I made my parents take me to Astrocamp (for reals y'all ) . I knew no one and my parents looked at me like I was insane as I waved and said see you in a few weeks. In highschool I lived a life that didn't need boldness, everything was comfortable and the scariest thing I did was play the base guitar in front of my congregation on Sunday mornings. But since I had a heart for working with the body of Christ overseas I went to college knowing that I would need a little more boldness than I had ever had before.
So I started college and pursued my "calling" or my "passion" or whatever you want to call it but I went for it. I knew I was supposed to be overseas so that's where I headed. I spent every summer in a different country , serving with different people, learning new things and mostly realizing more than ever before how much I lacked boldness. I would spend most of the summer loving it but at the same time being so anxious that I wasn't doing it good enough, I wasn't loving enough, I missed my family too much, I wasn't brave enough. I wasn't brave enough to give my testimony in front of a group of people I didn't know, I wasn't brave enough to start a conversation with someone I didn't know, I wasn't brave enough to speak the language for fear or messing up. I spent a lot of my summers in constant fear and then I would come home.
The greatness of the summer always outweighed the fear. I would come home and forget that I woke up fearful and went to bed fearful because I would move home where I had little to fear and everything was okay. Then I decided to move away for two years and well the fear started to creep back in. This summer I was fearful of asking people for support, I was afraid of speaking in front I the church, I was afraid of leaving my family, I was afraid I would fail. But all I needed was 10 seconds of insane courage and I got on the plane. I left my family, my friends, my life, and moved across the world to a new place with new things and new people. But it's been four months and I have finally realized that I will not make it if I live these next two years in fear.
I need boldness to speak to people in Hindi and know that when I mess up that I need to be bold enough to try again. I need boldness to start conversations with people. I need boldness to cross the streets. And yes I need boldness to walk past cows without fearing I'm gonna die . I need boldness to live fully for Christ without the fear that I'm not doing it right. Gods word talks about being strong and courageous but what has really spoken to me lately is what Paul says in Ephesians,
"This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord., in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him." -Ephesians 3:11-12
Here's what I know about this be verse, all the boldness, courage and confidence I could ever need comes from the faith I have in Jesus Christ . And its blowing my mind. I feel so renewed and so strong knowing that I am too weak to do any of it. It's all him. The boldness it's all him. And through him, well we've got this. I can cross the streets with boldness. I can speak with boldness. I can live my life for Christ, through Christ in boldness. Whether here or in the states I have a new found boldness, it's changing my life y'all.
(Side note this blog was written on my iPhone , forgive me for any errors)
I've never really seen myself as a fearful person, I've always tested my limits and my parents will tell you "I kill them" with how nonchalant I am about certain things I've done. When I was in 4th grade I wanted to be an astronaut more than anything so I saved up all year and that summer I made my parents take me to Astrocamp (for reals y'all ) . I knew no one and my parents looked at me like I was insane as I waved and said see you in a few weeks. In highschool I lived a life that didn't need boldness, everything was comfortable and the scariest thing I did was play the base guitar in front of my congregation on Sunday mornings. But since I had a heart for working with the body of Christ overseas I went to college knowing that I would need a little more boldness than I had ever had before.
So I started college and pursued my "calling" or my "passion" or whatever you want to call it but I went for it. I knew I was supposed to be overseas so that's where I headed. I spent every summer in a different country , serving with different people, learning new things and mostly realizing more than ever before how much I lacked boldness. I would spend most of the summer loving it but at the same time being so anxious that I wasn't doing it good enough, I wasn't loving enough, I missed my family too much, I wasn't brave enough. I wasn't brave enough to give my testimony in front of a group of people I didn't know, I wasn't brave enough to start a conversation with someone I didn't know, I wasn't brave enough to speak the language for fear or messing up. I spent a lot of my summers in constant fear and then I would come home.
The greatness of the summer always outweighed the fear. I would come home and forget that I woke up fearful and went to bed fearful because I would move home where I had little to fear and everything was okay. Then I decided to move away for two years and well the fear started to creep back in. This summer I was fearful of asking people for support, I was afraid of speaking in front I the church, I was afraid of leaving my family, I was afraid I would fail. But all I needed was 10 seconds of insane courage and I got on the plane. I left my family, my friends, my life, and moved across the world to a new place with new things and new people. But it's been four months and I have finally realized that I will not make it if I live these next two years in fear.
I need boldness to speak to people in Hindi and know that when I mess up that I need to be bold enough to try again. I need boldness to start conversations with people. I need boldness to cross the streets. And yes I need boldness to walk past cows without fearing I'm gonna die . I need boldness to live fully for Christ without the fear that I'm not doing it right. Gods word talks about being strong and courageous but what has really spoken to me lately is what Paul says in Ephesians,
"This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord., in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him." -Ephesians 3:11-12
Here's what I know about this be verse, all the boldness, courage and confidence I could ever need comes from the faith I have in Jesus Christ . And its blowing my mind. I feel so renewed and so strong knowing that I am too weak to do any of it. It's all him. The boldness it's all him. And through him, well we've got this. I can cross the streets with boldness. I can speak with boldness. I can live my life for Christ, through Christ in boldness. Whether here or in the states I have a new found boldness, it's changing my life y'all.
(Side note this blog was written on my iPhone , forgive me for any errors)
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